inevitable collisions.

It’s a realization I’ve long had, but I don’t think I’ve truly appreciated it for what it was until tonight.  And I still don’t think I’ve got it fully integrated into the person that I am.  It will be a slow, ongoing, and perhaps agonizing process.  Old habits are, after all, hard to break.

I have long waged a war against my own anticipations and expectations.  And it’s taken me years to discover exactly what it was that I was fighting against.  I believe the majority of my disappointments stem from unfulfilled expectations, many of which were made subconsciously.  Maybe I daydream too much for my own good, who knows, though I know I can’t let logic and rationale dictate me any more than it already does.  All things in moderation.  I don’t advocate always expecting the worst - I’ve thought about anticipating only the baseline so that everything else becomes a happy surprise, but that’s viewing life as if it were always a trick of the light.  Besides, would I ever be motivated if I only expected the bare minimum?  Surely I trust myself more than that.

I believe that everything I know as of right now, this very moment, is nothing I could’ve ever anticipated.  Nothing I could’ve ever dreamed up - yet it is so much more than I could ever want.  I make the decisions but I can’t direct where it will lead me.  And when I look back, the footprints have already eroded, no use in deciphering the path that brought me here.  Each step was a misdirection in its own way.  Perhaps I should trust that if I just let go, it can only get better, sooner than later.

I think too much and sit too still to the ticking of my own clock…

Klaxons.

Klaxons - Gravity’s Rainbow

Went on a music hunting binge today - got this lovely mmm Bloc Party meets TV on the Radio from Chris N.

He described their other song, Golden Skans, in vivid visual detail… I’m more partial to Gravity’s Rainbow but that might be my underlying inclination for all things Pynchon manifesting itself in music.

recovery. 2?

EPIC weekend.

That’s pretty much all I have to say.

the guild. san diego.

This weekend we visited our dear friend Mike M.’s restaurant on his last weekend. Incredible space, incredible food. Kudos to you, Michael, and your culinary skills, and best wishes for your future endeavors.

the space.

Chairs were made in the studio attached to the back of the restaurant. Cool, well thought out designs, with lots of specifics kept in mind, like a free-standing DJ “balcony.”

the cuisine.

yellow peppercorn soup
(I might have gotten this totally wrong…but it was totally delicious).

cheese stuffed bell pepper.
I might have this totally wrong again - it was definitely cheese stuffed in something. I really had no idea what we were eating at times - Mike just kept the food rolling out, and we just kept gorging ourselves. With class, of course.

grilled artichoke topped with goat cheese.

kobe beef sliders topped with humboldt fog (!!!) and frites. homemade ketchup.
paired with some argentinean malbec.

scallops on scalloped potatoes.

laotian pork chop.

land and sea. mouthwatering filet mignon and lobster ravioli.

i missed the grilled salmon, as well as our dessert plate (coconut flan, butterscotch pot d’ creme, chocolate coconut cake) paired with some porto.

The Guild / newton & beardsley, east downtown, san diego.

water pressure.

might be missing Berkeley already…

definitely missing the shower in my old apartment… it hasn’t quite hit me yet that I’ll probably never return to Berkeley as a student again. I left really soon after graduation so I haven’t had a lot of time for it to sink in just yet. I’m sort of waiting for that sudden realization but it’s probably never going to happen, and I don’t see the point in waxing sentimental over these kind of things. It was bittersweet though - I finally crawled out of my hermit shell this semester and made a lot of new friends, especially in the last four weeks or so. But better late than never, yes?

I’ve mostly been bumming around since last weekend after my last final and grading for 3A (last grading session ever!) - cleaned up around the apartment, hit up the bars with friends, graduated on Thursday, then packed up and left Saturday morning. I’m seriously amazed at the amount of crap that I’ve accumulated over the last four years, but thankfully I’ve gotten over being such a packrat and managed throw out or give away most of my stuff. And the less that I can bring to Houston in July, the better. So yeah… right now I’ve transformed my brother’s old room into some sort of interim living situation - it’s slightly lame that I’m back at my parents, especially since I’m without a car too, but it’s very homey as well. And hey, SoCal means lots and lots of beaches - time to get my tan on.

Our (highly efficient) 130L lab group - Daniel H., Cyrus W., me, and Jared H.

winding down…sort of.

…been feeling uninspired lately. I don’t feel like I’ve got anything interesting to report. My body has been beating me up the past few days - tetanus booster rendered my left arm unusable, did a long run yesterday that was supposed to make me feel refreshed, but ended up catching a stomach bug that left me stuck in the fetal position for most of last night, and given the loss of fluids and inability to put down food, I feel like my body is eating itself from inside out.

So unfortunate too…today was our last day in 130L, and our GSI brought us beer (it was newcastle too!), wine, and lots of munchies. It was difficult turning down free drinks…but then again, it was 2pm and I probably would’ve regretted it for the rest of the day/night. So I settled for strawberries, carrots, cheese, and baguette… yum! I will miss this class…

And continuing with the food theme… Kevin P. and I hit up Fatapples Friday morning, a little breakfast/brunch place on Rose/MLK. Very cutesy, very Berkeley, very delicious.

Shortstack of pumpkin pancakes.

Pumpkin is good anytime..not just the fall season. It was great with the homemade olallieberry jam they had…speaking of which, ligonberry sauce from Ikea? AMAZING. Especially with the swedish meatballs… who would’ve thought?

And not continuing with the food theme… you know those Call Box signs on the freeway? The small, inconspicuous blue rectangular things? …THEY’RE HUGE.

This is up in Miss Helen W.’s apartment, reigning champ of the SLC =p

I don’t think the picture really does justice as to how large that sign actually is…trust me, it’s just waaaay bigger than you would think. What I’d like to know is how they got the sign in the first place… =)

—-

Update on the deferral issue (see: Nomad.):

After researching different programs and talking to friends and family, I’ve opted to not defer next year. Most of the programs that I’m interested in last for only 3-4 months, and I could do a few of these, but it would get really expensive really quick, and I’m not sure how I’d fill up my time otherwise. I know I’m the type of person that gets really frustrated when I’m not busy, or at least working towards something, so the last thing I want to do is to be sitting around at home twiddling my thumbs. I thought about just moving to Houston in the meantime and finding some work, but I’m not sure if I’ll survive in a new city without school to provide me a social base. In any case, after discussing it on the forums, it turns out Baylor’s clinical curriculum allows 28 months to do 22 months worth of clinicals, so I’ll have lots of free time during MS3 and MS4. Current students have told me that they’ve taken a couple months off at a time to study for boards, to do residency interviews, and to travel. So spending 3 months overseas at a later time is definitely feasible and likely a good idea.

So my plans remain the same… and my parents can stop panicking (hello Dad, I know you’re reading this) =)