malyenkaya koshka

i know.

маленькая кошка — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 01:45:38 +0000

I Know – Fiona Apple

So be it, I’m your crowbar
If that’s what I am so far
Until you get out of this mess
And I will pretend
That I don’t know of your sins
Until you are ready to confess
But all the time, all the time
I’ll know, I’ll know
And you can use my skin
To bury secrets in
And I will settle you down
And at my own suggestion,
I will ask no questions
While I do my thing in the background
But all the time, all the time
I’ll know, I’ll know
Baby – I can’t help you out, while she’s still around
So for the time being, I’m being patient
And amidst this bitterness
If you’ll just consider this – even if it don’t make sense
All the time – give it time
And when the crowd becomes your burden
And you’ve early closed your curtains,
I’ll wait by the backstage door
While you try to find the lines to speak your mind
And pry it open, hoping for an encore
And if it gets too late, for me to wait
For you to find you love me, and tell me so
It’s ok, don’t need to say it.

patience. always.

seattle.

маленькая кошка — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 20:08:52 +0000

|| Discovery Park, Seattle, WA

“No matter the weather, I ran along Seattle’s waterfront, Elliott Bay on one side, the skyline on the other. There are cities from which it’s a short distance to natural splendor, and then there’s Seattle, where wilderness and civilization bleed into each other, the dividing line nonexistent.”

http://travel.nytimes.com/2011/06/12/travel/eating-in-and-around-seattle.html

Seattle – how I miss you so. I hope we catch up again soon.

rest.

маленькая кошка — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 16:34:42 +0000

i’m beginning to lose all sense of self-preservation. but i am learning not to be hasty, even if it pains me to have patience.

but i trust good things will come, perhaps not the way i originally imagined, but good things will come. until then, i will abide in this:

1 Peter 3:17

For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God’s will, than for doing evil.

question is… am i doing good?

new hearts.

маленькая кошка — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 03:54:23 +0000

there are funny things at work these days, and i can hardly believe it myself. if someone told me a year ago that this is what june 2011 would look like for me, i would’ve laughed. really hard. and i do laugh about it now. life really is funny, if not providential. but i have felt comfort when i needed it most, and knowing me, i was skeptical even of this comfort. worried i was deluding myself. but this security felt so airtight, so unending, that even tonight, as my impatience and ineptitude once again stirred up trouble in my heart, i feel myself not slipping away, but holding on tighter. thank you Lord for being so patient with me, and for continuing to be so patient with me. i’ve tried so hard in the past to figure out what to do, figure out the best way, the right way… and i always want to know right now, waste no time, waste no energy. always trying to pursue the most logical choices in this existential tree of a million branches i have sitting in front of me. but x never leads to y never leads to z. even the most perfectly planned path…never seems to work out that way.

Proverbs 21:1-5

The king’s heart is like channels of water in the hand of the Lord; He turns it wherever He wishes. Every man’s way is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the hearts. To do righteousness and justice is desired by the Lord more than sacrifice. Haughty eyes and a proud heart, the lamp of the wicked, is sin. The plans of the diligent lead surely to advantage, but everyone who is hasty comes surely to poverty.

so tonight, i stop planning. i don’t want to be so proud as to think that i know what i am doing on my own, because i don’t. because good grief, i don’t even know what i’m asking for. so until then, i will just rest and marvel at all the comfort around me.

Time Flies.

маленькая кошка — Thu, 02 Jun 2011 22:49:53 +0000

Lykke Li – Time Flies.

I get weak.
I get weary.
I miss sleep.
I get moody.
I’m in thoughts.
I write songs.
I’m in Love.
I walk on.

fast forward. rewind. repeat.

маленькая кошка — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 21:17:02 +0000

Life is a funny thing, isn’t it? It seems in some ways we only have one shot – sure we can try to come back later and change things but there is no true rewind button, no do overs. But it seems foolish to think that people would by truly happy if say, life were set up for them so that the best possible decision is always made. I think happiness comes from knowing we searched, tried, made mistakes, loved, hurt – it is the culmination of these experiences that makes it worth something to live. Ignorant bliss may be “perfect” but would you even know how to appreciate it?

I feel as if I am on the edge of something precipitous – several decisions, career and otherwise, feel imminent. I’ve already done so much speculating lately that I am worn and yet have no answers. And part of me has given up on speculating. I used to think that I could work out all the scenarios in my head and in essence, choose the best option, but it never really works that way. What I’m seeing is just a shadow of possibilities. There are so many variables that I can’t even begin to account for, that I can’t even predict. And there’s something less than satisfying about things working out exactly the way you imagine.

What is it exactly that I’m looking for? I try framing things as “what would make me happier in life” but what does this happiness even mean? It’s like I’m searching for what my thoughts would be, what my feelings would be, what my reactions would be. Not knowing these answers isn’t causing me anxiety; rather, I sense the futility of speculation. But it keeps me trapped in this unending circle of indecision and inability to move forward with anything. Maybe on the other side of the spectrum, what I’m left with is taking my time, feeling things out, and waiting for the decision to come to me. Or be made for me, unfortunately. But the end of this tunnel is far too near and I’m hurtling so fast forward that I’m afraid in the end, I will still be tentative to move in any particular direction and sooner than later, the pathways in front of me will start disappearing.

trying to slow the ticking…

halló, Jónsi!

маленькая кошка — Sat, 05 Feb 2011 23:53:40 +0000

Jónsi – Kolniður

Came across this solo project from Jónsi of Sigur Rós today. Why has this not been in my life the since the day it came out? Hengilas is another good pick from the album “Go” as well. Better yet, just listen to the whole thing. Will be checking out Jónsi & Alex soon…

it’s hard to want to stay awake.

маленькая кошка — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 20:07:56 +0000

it lives!

маленькая кошка — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 02:09:08 +0000

I have a bad habit of killing all the houseplants and patio plants I have ever bought. So, much to my surprise, this english mint has proved hardy enough to withstand my brown thumb. At least for the first week. And hey, I think it even grew taller.

We’ll see how much it can hold up against my plucking its leaves willy nilly for my spontaneous concoctions.

hendrick’s//gingerale//englishmint

quite satisfying.

blackberry deliciousness.

маленькая кошка — Tue, 18 May 2010 00:11:25 +0000

Sooo after another drink disaster at Anvil this past weekend (granted, it was crowded as hell on a Saturday night, I got stuck with the bartender that I don’t like, and I really should’ve known better after I ordered the Vesper from him last time…) – I decided that I was capable of making better drinks.

So I grabbed what I had in my kitchen, andd this is what resulted. Sort of my take on the Bramble, shall I say?

1 part Hendrick’s gin // 1 part moscato // 0.5 parts Rose’s lime juice // ginger ale // 1/4 tsp sugar // fresh blackberries

1. muddle sugar and blackberries

2. add ice, lime juice, gin, and moscato – shake

3. top with soda

I think some mint leaves or basil leaves would really top this off – once I get my hands on some I’ll give it a try and let you all know how it goes! Right now I’m thinking about making a pitcher full of this for a summer backyard bbq, yeah?!